the simplicity of fall.
Fall has finally set in down here, and by fall I mean we're now in the 80's. It may not be as cool and crisp as I would like, but I'm getting a glimpse of cooler weather and the season that sends us all into coffee shops and evening strolls. Small breezes and hoodies give me hope of what's to come.
There's something about fall. It stirs up something in many of us. Maybe it marks the beginning of the holiday season or a time that often causes us to sit and reflect. Maybe we like the warm drinks and cookies that fill our hands and bellies. It can symbolize family and togetherness, and it can give us opportunities to nestle in and sit awhile. I love the fall, and the changing of seasons in general. There's something peaceful about going from sunny, energetic days to calmer, more thoughtful ones.
A week ago this morning I drove in the dark morning hours to Austin to take my NCLEX exam to obtain my RN license. I sweat the whole way and could barely choke down a handful of grapes. The past three years all in vain if I didn't pass. I tried to be confident with the realization that failure was possible, and I tried to remind myself I could always take it again if I didn't pass the first time. The mind games the few days before were horrible, and I couldn't have been more ready to get the great unknown behind me. I was blessed enough to pass, and I can now breathe a long coming sigh of relief. A weight, more heavy than I realized, was lifted gradually over the days following my test.
Throughout this last week, a week without studying, I've had the opportunity to think and reflect. A lot. Maybe too much. Sometimes I get stuck in my own mind, and I sink into a place that's eerily quiet. When life is busy and you're running on all cylinders it can be hard to process emotions and life happenings, but as life slows down for us I can feel everything I've unintentionally outrun start to surround me.
I feel the burden of living on earth, an imperfect dwelling place for souls meant for somewhere and something else. I feel the weight of giving enough of myself while I'm here in all the right ways, and I feel the disappointment when I fail. I fight to stay focused on things that are real, true, and good, and I struggle to invest in the things that will leave a lasting impression. How do I put my own selfishness aside without losing myself? How do I keep from getting pulled inside my own mind, preventing me from moving forward? Will life always feel this hard? This unsafe? This tiring?
The thing about fall is that it ushers us to sit and simply watch, to be, and to listen. This can be unnatural for us, especially in our society, but somehow we are drawn to it. Fall often times asks us to let go of things, to lay down the dying things we cling to so our hands can be open and ready to receive something new and fresh come springtime. Maybe we are drawn to fall because we are eager to put our burdens down. With each falling leaf and wisp of wind, we are eager to let go and simply be.
There's something about fall. It stirs up something in many of us. Maybe it marks the beginning of the holiday season or a time that often causes us to sit and reflect. Maybe we like the warm drinks and cookies that fill our hands and bellies. It can symbolize family and togetherness, and it can give us opportunities to nestle in and sit awhile. I love the fall, and the changing of seasons in general. There's something peaceful about going from sunny, energetic days to calmer, more thoughtful ones.
A week ago this morning I drove in the dark morning hours to Austin to take my NCLEX exam to obtain my RN license. I sweat the whole way and could barely choke down a handful of grapes. The past three years all in vain if I didn't pass. I tried to be confident with the realization that failure was possible, and I tried to remind myself I could always take it again if I didn't pass the first time. The mind games the few days before were horrible, and I couldn't have been more ready to get the great unknown behind me. I was blessed enough to pass, and I can now breathe a long coming sigh of relief. A weight, more heavy than I realized, was lifted gradually over the days following my test.
Throughout this last week, a week without studying, I've had the opportunity to think and reflect. A lot. Maybe too much. Sometimes I get stuck in my own mind, and I sink into a place that's eerily quiet. When life is busy and you're running on all cylinders it can be hard to process emotions and life happenings, but as life slows down for us I can feel everything I've unintentionally outrun start to surround me.
I feel the burden of living on earth, an imperfect dwelling place for souls meant for somewhere and something else. I feel the weight of giving enough of myself while I'm here in all the right ways, and I feel the disappointment when I fail. I fight to stay focused on things that are real, true, and good, and I struggle to invest in the things that will leave a lasting impression. How do I put my own selfishness aside without losing myself? How do I keep from getting pulled inside my own mind, preventing me from moving forward? Will life always feel this hard? This unsafe? This tiring?
The thing about fall is that it ushers us to sit and simply watch, to be, and to listen. This can be unnatural for us, especially in our society, but somehow we are drawn to it. Fall often times asks us to let go of things, to lay down the dying things we cling to so our hands can be open and ready to receive something new and fresh come springtime. Maybe we are drawn to fall because we are eager to put our burdens down. With each falling leaf and wisp of wind, we are eager to let go and simply be.
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