Joy as a Discipline
The Christmas tree is up, presents are (mostly) bought and wrapped, and Christmas is only a short few days away. Time seems to always fly by between Thanksgiving and Christmas, and the days leading up to Christmas day are typically a whirlwind. The goal and desired tradition at our house is to get the tree up the day after Thanksgiving, but when you're both in school, working, and raising a 6 month old, sometimes the tree goes up about 3 days late. We debated whether or not we should go to the trouble of pulling the decorations out and of buying and setting up the tree. We decided that we should and that once everything was set up we'd be happy we did it.
We went to dinner, bought the tree, swung by the grocery store, came home and put the baby to bed, and went about setting up the house. When the lights were up and the dust was settled I looked around our living room and didn't feel the happy feelings I was expecting to have. I thought that having everything cheery on the outside might settle into my heart and help me feel cheery on the inside. As the week progressed, I began to think about all the emotions Christmas elicits, and I realized something about joy.
I realized that sometimes joy is a discipline. Setting up the tree isn't necessarily going to stir joy up in my heart. It helps, yes, and looks lovely, but just as it was an act of discipline to set up the tree so is choosing joy. I've often heard that happiness is dependent on circumstances, and joy is a result of something much deeper and is based on something more steady and more spiritual. In this season of life and holiday season, I am understanding more and more how to choose joy as a discipline. It doesn't mean that I stop mourning what's missing or push down any sad feelings I have. For me, it simply means shifting through all of that to find the deeper and more steady emotion of joy.
As I continue to accept the reality of my newly broken and dislodged family, I am overwhelmed by the blessing of Nora in our lives this year. Even though my heart is heavy, my heart is also fuller than it ever has been. When I start to feel overwhelmed by circumstances, I look into my daughter's face, and I can't miss the miracle and blessing that I've been entrusted. It softens my heart to God and makes me want to choose joy so that someday she can know how to do the same.
We went to dinner, bought the tree, swung by the grocery store, came home and put the baby to bed, and went about setting up the house. When the lights were up and the dust was settled I looked around our living room and didn't feel the happy feelings I was expecting to have. I thought that having everything cheery on the outside might settle into my heart and help me feel cheery on the inside. As the week progressed, I began to think about all the emotions Christmas elicits, and I realized something about joy.
I realized that sometimes joy is a discipline. Setting up the tree isn't necessarily going to stir joy up in my heart. It helps, yes, and looks lovely, but just as it was an act of discipline to set up the tree so is choosing joy. I've often heard that happiness is dependent on circumstances, and joy is a result of something much deeper and is based on something more steady and more spiritual. In this season of life and holiday season, I am understanding more and more how to choose joy as a discipline. It doesn't mean that I stop mourning what's missing or push down any sad feelings I have. For me, it simply means shifting through all of that to find the deeper and more steady emotion of joy.
As I continue to accept the reality of my newly broken and dislodged family, I am overwhelmed by the blessing of Nora in our lives this year. Even though my heart is heavy, my heart is also fuller than it ever has been. When I start to feel overwhelmed by circumstances, I look into my daughter's face, and I can't miss the miracle and blessing that I've been entrusted. It softens my heart to God and makes me want to choose joy so that someday she can know how to do the same.
From the Ray house to yours, Merry Christmas, and may joy infiltrate and settle into your hearts and homes this season and into next year.
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