The Bachelorette, Beauty, and Bri
The Bachelorette. One might think this television show is a superficial waste of time, and maybe this is true at face value. But for the past few seasons we have had a long standing double date night with dear friends to watch the progression of the show. There have been dinners, desserts, and sweat pants along the way, and I treasure these nights deep within my heart. The Bachelor or Bachelorette have given all of us a reason to come together on a weekly basis to see one another and to partake in sharing life with one another. It's been a precious excuse to connect, and a soft place to land when life has been a challenge.
Tonight as my sweet friend and I watched the show just the two of us, during commercial breaks we began talking about our marriages and how we were doing within the contexts of those relationships. She graciously listened as I talked through some of my own insecurities and fears, and she offered sweet truth and wisdom from her marriage experience.
Much of what I shared was based on the journey I've walked over the last year with the announcement of my parents' divorce, and how that rift has directly affected my own marriage. It's not a secret anymore. Shortly after Christmas divorce was filed for, and a fresh sense of brokenness settled over my heart. When two people who I thought would never separate, my foundation in so many ways, filed for divorce it cast a sense of fear over my own marriage. What if someday Chris or I wanted to leave one another? What if we felt stuck with the other, miserable for years to come? What if we did separate and left our child devastated and broken? The "what if's" in life can grow deep seeded roots that you don't even know were there until suddenly you're sobbing over pizza, verbally vomiting all over your husband.
As I was sorting through these thoughts and feelings with my friend tonight, one thing she said made me stop and think. She said, "Maybe the beauty of marriage is that you actually are stuck." Our conversation quickly deepened and the point was made that God created this system in order to help grow people beyond points of desperation and possible hopelessness. It released me in a way, an unexpected way. My fear is still present and sits quietly in the dark most of the time, however being stuck in and of itself isn't all bad. Suffering or feeling unhappy for a time, or even stuck, can be a launching pad for deeper growth and new life. There is beauty that comes from dark places in our lives, and too often do we try to suppress these feelings of unhappiness. We struggle hard against feelings of discomfort and often thrash about refusing to be still enough to see where the value might be in simply existing in it.
One of evil's great tricks is its ability to weave its deceit into our minds, and from our minds into our hearts, and from our hearts it begins to control how we function in life. When we are able to identify these deceits, it gives them less power. It puts them in perspective, and somehow their power diminishes. For the record, I am not unhappy in my marriage, nor do I feel stuck or the impulse to leave. Simply there is fear of what may be to come someday, down the road when life has more hiccups and unexpected circumstances.
I cannot allow these doubts and fears to wedge their way into my mind and heart. Rather than living in the fear of the possibility of discomfort or unhappiness in my marriage, I need to stop and realize that it's okay. It's okay if we ever feel "stuck" with one another because out of that place can flow beauty and renewal. Discomfort and suffering are valuable, contrary to popular belief, and rather than fear it I desire to be open to it.
In the meantime, I have been given a precious man who willingly listens to me process my emotions over cried upon pizza, a precious friend who will share cookies and sacred conversations with me while the Bachelorette plays in the background, and a renewed perspective on the struggles of this life. There is indeed sweet beauty in being stuck in discomfort (whatever it may be), and sometimes you just need a best friend to remind you.
Tonight as my sweet friend and I watched the show just the two of us, during commercial breaks we began talking about our marriages and how we were doing within the contexts of those relationships. She graciously listened as I talked through some of my own insecurities and fears, and she offered sweet truth and wisdom from her marriage experience.
Much of what I shared was based on the journey I've walked over the last year with the announcement of my parents' divorce, and how that rift has directly affected my own marriage. It's not a secret anymore. Shortly after Christmas divorce was filed for, and a fresh sense of brokenness settled over my heart. When two people who I thought would never separate, my foundation in so many ways, filed for divorce it cast a sense of fear over my own marriage. What if someday Chris or I wanted to leave one another? What if we felt stuck with the other, miserable for years to come? What if we did separate and left our child devastated and broken? The "what if's" in life can grow deep seeded roots that you don't even know were there until suddenly you're sobbing over pizza, verbally vomiting all over your husband.
As I was sorting through these thoughts and feelings with my friend tonight, one thing she said made me stop and think. She said, "Maybe the beauty of marriage is that you actually are stuck." Our conversation quickly deepened and the point was made that God created this system in order to help grow people beyond points of desperation and possible hopelessness. It released me in a way, an unexpected way. My fear is still present and sits quietly in the dark most of the time, however being stuck in and of itself isn't all bad. Suffering or feeling unhappy for a time, or even stuck, can be a launching pad for deeper growth and new life. There is beauty that comes from dark places in our lives, and too often do we try to suppress these feelings of unhappiness. We struggle hard against feelings of discomfort and often thrash about refusing to be still enough to see where the value might be in simply existing in it.
One of evil's great tricks is its ability to weave its deceit into our minds, and from our minds into our hearts, and from our hearts it begins to control how we function in life. When we are able to identify these deceits, it gives them less power. It puts them in perspective, and somehow their power diminishes. For the record, I am not unhappy in my marriage, nor do I feel stuck or the impulse to leave. Simply there is fear of what may be to come someday, down the road when life has more hiccups and unexpected circumstances.
I cannot allow these doubts and fears to wedge their way into my mind and heart. Rather than living in the fear of the possibility of discomfort or unhappiness in my marriage, I need to stop and realize that it's okay. It's okay if we ever feel "stuck" with one another because out of that place can flow beauty and renewal. Discomfort and suffering are valuable, contrary to popular belief, and rather than fear it I desire to be open to it.
In the meantime, I have been given a precious man who willingly listens to me process my emotions over cried upon pizza, a precious friend who will share cookies and sacred conversations with me while the Bachelorette plays in the background, and a renewed perspective on the struggles of this life. There is indeed sweet beauty in being stuck in discomfort (whatever it may be), and sometimes you just need a best friend to remind you.
I feel that way a lot too. Like a beginner. And I wasn't able to figure out what to do with that (at least yet). Normally I just hope the feeling passes quick enough and I get myself together in a day or two.
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