Control, Choices, and Impact
Control is such a funny thing. We live under the illusion that we have so much control over our lives. Of course there are many things we can control (what we eat, our attitude, our life choices), but there are many more things in which we cannot control that we encounter on a daily basis. The things we cannot control are the things that can drive us the craziest.
Traffic, the line at the bank, when other people just won't do what we want them to. Those things tend to occupy our minds more than the things that we actually can control. When we realize we cannot control certain circumstances or surroundings in our lives, we can become distracted, desperate, devastated, and/ or overwhelmed by our sense of powerlessness. It is all too easy to focus on the things we cannot control, and that focus prevents us from being able to effectively cope with the reality of the situation. We can unintentionally sit in a state of stasis, wasting our time and lives all because something isn't going how we had anticipated that it would or how we had hoped that it would.
So where does this leave us? I remember hearing for most of my childhood that I couldn't control anyone but myself, and this simple lesson is something I am still trying to embrace in my 20's. I cannot control my spouse, family members, friends, and I certainly won't be able to control this unborn child of ours once her feet hit the pavement. We are only in charge of ourselves, and each person is solely accountable for their choices. Is it as simple as readjusting our focus from the actions of others to our own? I don't know, but I know it's a good starting point for me.
I cannot control decisions being made by others, and unfortunately we do not live in a vacuum but rather in community with one another. This means that each choice we make has the potential to impact those around us. Kind of a heavy thought, honestly. We would like to think that decisions we make, the ones we can control, are individualistic rather than communal. And isn't this what our society teaches us anyway? It's your body, it's your life, it's about you. As much as we might like to believe that to be true, it simply isn't. This past week is a perfect example of that on a large scale. Two brothers living in Boston made a series of decisions that affected a whole slew of people, and many of those people will never be the same. Like it or not, our decisions touch those around us, and have the potential to impact them in powerful ways.
As we begin to accept that 1. we can control no one but ourselves, and 2. that our choices impact those around us, we must begin to weave those concepts together. They are not isolated points, but points that complement each other and open our eyes to the importance of the way we live our lives. Our choices have the potential to benefit or harm others. Of course we cannot make decisions in effort to keep those around us happy or to keep the peace, but we should be questioning the potential of benefit or harm as we maneuver through our lives. But even when those around us make decisions that harm or negatively impact us, we do not have to be victims to their choices. We can choose our attitudes, our responses, our boundaries; we can choose what lessons we want to learn and how to do things differently.
Even when things in our lives seem wildly out of control, I think we can find some peace in the things over which we have control. I personally find peace when I control eating Blue Bell ice cream on sad days or when I can make myself get outside for some fresh air and activity. Sometimes these simple things can help us regulate ourselves and escape the chaos of other people's choices. For now, all I can do is control myself, and I am striving to direct my thoughts, attitude, words, and beliefs. I am trying to let go of the control I foolishly think I have and embrace the way this journey may lead me. I don't want to waste opportunities to grow or to be refined so here's to more growing pains as spring emerges and new life breaks forth.
Traffic, the line at the bank, when other people just won't do what we want them to. Those things tend to occupy our minds more than the things that we actually can control. When we realize we cannot control certain circumstances or surroundings in our lives, we can become distracted, desperate, devastated, and/ or overwhelmed by our sense of powerlessness. It is all too easy to focus on the things we cannot control, and that focus prevents us from being able to effectively cope with the reality of the situation. We can unintentionally sit in a state of stasis, wasting our time and lives all because something isn't going how we had anticipated that it would or how we had hoped that it would.
So where does this leave us? I remember hearing for most of my childhood that I couldn't control anyone but myself, and this simple lesson is something I am still trying to embrace in my 20's. I cannot control my spouse, family members, friends, and I certainly won't be able to control this unborn child of ours once her feet hit the pavement. We are only in charge of ourselves, and each person is solely accountable for their choices. Is it as simple as readjusting our focus from the actions of others to our own? I don't know, but I know it's a good starting point for me.
I cannot control decisions being made by others, and unfortunately we do not live in a vacuum but rather in community with one another. This means that each choice we make has the potential to impact those around us. Kind of a heavy thought, honestly. We would like to think that decisions we make, the ones we can control, are individualistic rather than communal. And isn't this what our society teaches us anyway? It's your body, it's your life, it's about you. As much as we might like to believe that to be true, it simply isn't. This past week is a perfect example of that on a large scale. Two brothers living in Boston made a series of decisions that affected a whole slew of people, and many of those people will never be the same. Like it or not, our decisions touch those around us, and have the potential to impact them in powerful ways.
As we begin to accept that 1. we can control no one but ourselves, and 2. that our choices impact those around us, we must begin to weave those concepts together. They are not isolated points, but points that complement each other and open our eyes to the importance of the way we live our lives. Our choices have the potential to benefit or harm others. Of course we cannot make decisions in effort to keep those around us happy or to keep the peace, but we should be questioning the potential of benefit or harm as we maneuver through our lives. But even when those around us make decisions that harm or negatively impact us, we do not have to be victims to their choices. We can choose our attitudes, our responses, our boundaries; we can choose what lessons we want to learn and how to do things differently.
Even when things in our lives seem wildly out of control, I think we can find some peace in the things over which we have control. I personally find peace when I control eating Blue Bell ice cream on sad days or when I can make myself get outside for some fresh air and activity. Sometimes these simple things can help us regulate ourselves and escape the chaos of other people's choices. For now, all I can do is control myself, and I am striving to direct my thoughts, attitude, words, and beliefs. I am trying to let go of the control I foolishly think I have and embrace the way this journey may lead me. I don't want to waste opportunities to grow or to be refined so here's to more growing pains as spring emerges and new life breaks forth.
"A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor"- English Proverb
And a picture of our girl just because (April 3).
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